Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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