Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
