I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
