Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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