I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
