We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
