you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
