There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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