The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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