I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
