I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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