Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
