this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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