i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he fucked my hip out of place.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
