We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
