U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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