what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
