OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
