Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
