You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
