he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
