You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
