piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
