my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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