I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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