There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
