I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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