the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
