$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
