from now on my penis is your penis
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
