Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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