Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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