He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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