Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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