I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
