last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
