I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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