DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
