i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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