You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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