I must be too annoying 4 u.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
