So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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