jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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