Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
