Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
