Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
