If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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