I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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