I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
