The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Come see our sink grown plant.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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