Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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