you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
