Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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