I wish I could teleport
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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