You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
