He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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