yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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