dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
