So drunk its hurt
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
