everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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