hotel room ftw
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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