Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
