rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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