my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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