literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
