That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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