You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
