A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
