I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
